I Ain't No Full Time Gay

  I recently found myself in a whirlwind of a ride, with someone who recently came into my life by chance. A mutual friend had made attempts at introducing us, however I’ve learnt it better to steer clear of any matchmaking attempts from friends from past experiences.   I was immediately taken aback by him. He just had a  vibe  about him, one that drew me in a way that I haven’t felt in some time.  However, things were complicated from the get go:  He had never been in a relationship, something I struggled to grasp, taking into account my initial reaction to him. This posed a concern. My mind ran laps, attempting to preempt countless scenarios of how this would lead. I also found it to be an opportunity to be part of his journey, one I believed would have been pleasant given my vast experience *clears throat*.  He made it apparent that there was another, who weeks earlier, too, had made advances on him. I had competition. This didn’t phase me though. I...

It is quite weird to realize how growing up, I was always happy in love, never single, always moving on to the next. With that being said, I recall a time when I found myself committed to five beautiful souls. It was the December of 2006, the year I began to embrace who I was, the part of me I had been so desperately trying to fight off. Stuck in an ever-shrinking cloak room, as I inevitably grew older. Unbelievably, it might have been a ton work, however it worked for me, and it somehow helped with my lacking “self-esteem.”  The location of choice for our parties always varied and my lesbian friend always made sure I was aware of any beautiful man that glanced my way. She ensured that I was to be successful in love, even if it was for that one night. However, she did not anticipate the rate in which I would enjoy and seek out my own conquests, as I gained an invaluable sense of importance and esteem I had never felt/had. Fast forward 10 years now, I ...

Last month, after months (actually almost a year) of persuasion, someone who had always wanted to call myself his, finally twisted my arm and I said “Yes”. The thing is, after my last relationship last year; I told myself that I would take a back seat from the dating world. Every relationship I partook in, ended up being either a total disaster, me being hurt or just losing interest. People have a tendency of portraying a “perfect” and poised persona when they meet a potential mate. “Why?” you may ask, I am not sure, but I would assume that it plays in their favour, as we always create these lists for ourselves of the perfect mate: ·          Perfect smile, ·          Perfect and fair complexion (apparently the most desired), ·          An amazing dresser, ·          And a man with money and a provider. Ques...

I never understood why people put so much time and energy into the mission that is, SEX, until some time last year. As I look back to the experience that was, I find myself thinking about the first time I climaxed. My first sexual experience on my grandmother's leather couch; I was watching cartoons, bored stiff - more like flaccid. My left hand found its way down my pants and started stroking my limp, thick scarfed penis, in the hopes that this would occupy my time. It arose in all its might. I remembered my friend Steve making these funny gestures with his right hand, in a motion alien to me. A motion he so happily expressed when he thought our male friends "Kray". So in the moment, I thought, I should explore this phenomenon and see what it was all about. I stood up and made sure the front door was locked. I lowered my shorts and underwear and continued "killing time". What happened next was unexpected. This meaningless motion which I undertook to occupy...

Ever found yourself in a position whereby you saw someone you didn't know... and you thought they were perfect, nothing about him/her was imperfect...and all you wanted was to be around that person because they seemed to exude such an amazing aura? I have, far too many times and I have a habit of not learning, not growing and not being able to distinguish between what is real and what will lead to pain: I followed your life from a distance I followed you at a distance Pacing myself Preparing my life Making reservations for us, But all I ever did was wait for that bus. I loved you then I love now I will love you forever Until I love you numb, Continuously making reservations Awaiting the devastation You were all I wanted You played me coy Your perfection personified A well put together porcelain mannequin Always reserved That memory I will always preserve But like all the others that came before you, all I saw was the perfection of porcelain. The smooth poli...