Skip to main content

Mistaken Identities

Ever found yourself in a position whereby you saw someone you didn't know... and you thought they were perfect, nothing about him/her was imperfect...and all you wanted was to be around that person because they seemed to exude such an amazing aura?
I have, far too many times and I have a habit of not learning, not growing and not being able to distinguish between what is real and what will lead to pain:




I followed your life from a distance
I followed you at a distance
Pacing myself
Preparing my life
Making reservations for us,
But all I ever did was wait for that bus.

I loved you then
I love now
I will love you forever
Until I love you numb,
Continuously making reservations
Awaiting the devastation

You were all I wanted
You played me coy
Your perfection personified
A well put together porcelain mannequin
Always reserved
That memory I will always preserve

But like all the others that came before you, all I saw was the perfection of porcelain. The smooth polished skin that you used to cloak your true self. The dapper exterior you manifest every sunrise would have made any man lose himself in your perfectly sculpted loins: the palms of my not so perfect grasps always seemed to fit so naturally there.

You drove, you drive, you directed me to sanity. Sanity lost in profanity. Profanity forged from vanity but aren't we all?
For if I had not found myself vain, I would not be in this pain.

[Singing]

"Love rain, down on me. On me, down on me.
Love rain, down on me. On me, down on me."

Wet as I was and drenched to the core, I found my in thirst quenched, but all I wanted was more.
Not more lies, fabricated from whatever explanation his sanity concocted to make him feel better about himself.
Not more devastation created from a Caucasian lie that lead to my black death.
Not more pretenses to elude that truth.

I wanted more love, my one true weakness, after a well put together porcelain mannequin. Not pain. But what is one without the other? What is the light without darkness?

I made reservations for us,
But all I ever did was wait for that bus, contemplating the devastation

Always reserved, yes you were. And that memory I will always preserve.-


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Mona Adam

It is quite weird to realize how growing up, I was always happy in love, never single, always moving on to the next. With that being said, I recall a time when I found myself committed to five beautiful souls. It was the December of 2006, the year I began to embrace who I was, the part of me I had been so desperately trying to fight off. Stuck in an ever-shrinking cloak room, as I inevitably grew older. Unbelievably, it might have been a ton work, however it worked for me, and it somehow helped with my lacking “self-esteem.”  The location of choice for our parties always varied and my lesbian friend always made sure I was aware of any beautiful man that glanced my way. She ensured that I was to be successful in love, even if it was for that one night. However, she did not anticipate the rate in which I would enjoy and seek out my own conquests, as I gained an invaluable sense of importance and esteem I had never felt/had. Fast forward 10 years now, I ...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Tomorrow of TWO

Blinded by his beauty and my judgement impaired by the instantaneous infatuation of what lay before me. Trail of thought lost as my eyes follow his every movement, mapping his curves, creases and linear path. I know nothing about him, naive to his past, curious of his future and unaware of his present. Unaverred, I don't care as I am mesmerized by him. I picture myself with him. He and I, us. I want to make him mine. That was then, this is now. "Why not?" I asked him as he replied with a NO! We've been at this cat and mouse game for some time now - I've showed him my interest and I know that he feels the same. So, I ask him again, "Why NOT?" But this time, I take he's hand and stare into his honey brown eyes. As if he was putting, he's foot down, trying to get the reason(s) he would deny me the opportunity to love him and be loved by him. He replies again, "I just can't. I just can't." Months of conversing about each other and w...
Post a Comment
Read more