Blinded by his beauty
and my judgement impaired by the instantaneous infatuation of what lay before
me. Trail of thought lost as my eyes follow his every movement, mapping his
curves, creases and linear path. I know nothing about him, naive to his
past, curious of his future and unaware of his present. Unaverred, I don't care
as I am mesmerized by him.
I picture myself with
him. He and I, us. I want to make him mine. That was then, this is now.
"Why not?" I asked him as he replied with a NO! We've been at this
cat and mouse game for some time now - I've showed him my interest and I know
that he feels the same. So, I ask him again, "Why NOT?" But this
time, I take he's hand and stare into his honey brown eyes. As if he was putting,
he's foot down, trying to get the reason(s) he would deny me the opportunity to
love him and be loved by him. He replies again, "I just can't. I just
can't."
Months of conversing
about each other and what we want in a mate, as if we were slowing ticking a
to-do list until we were certain of choice we had made long ago. My choice, his
choice - we chose each other. "Has he not completed his list?" I
ponder as I try to loosen my tight grip on what I thought was. What I thought
we both had. Nothing sucks more than being so close and then being advised of
how delusional you had been a long. I know that wasn't true, but it started to
feel like it. I burned like the amber of a never-ending flame for him. I loved
him. I hadn't known, been sure, until that moment as he pushed me over the
cliff, to my demise. Heartache followed and I LET GO, but I never truly did. I
just couldn't be a part of his life feeling the way I did, the way I still
feel. How did I end up allowing myself to feel such, when I always approach with
such caution? I wasn't myself and that's all I could think as my mind attempted
to blocked out all that had transpired, all that was said and all that was
imagined for the tomorrow of two.
We often find potential mates as we navigate through life, blinded by lust, the idea of this person and the future we may have.
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