Skip to main content

The Tomorrow of TWO

Blinded by his beauty and my judgement impaired by the instantaneous infatuation of what lay before me. Trail of thought lost as my eyes follow his every movement, mapping his curves, creases and linear path. I know nothing about him, naive to his past, curious of his future and unaware of his present. Unaverred, I don't care as I am mesmerized by him.

I picture myself with him. He and I, us. I want to make him mine. That was then, this is now. "Why not?" I asked him as he replied with a NO! We've been at this cat and mouse game for some time now - I've showed him my interest and I know that he feels the same. So, I ask him again, "Why NOT?" But this time, I take he's hand and stare into his honey brown eyes. As if he was putting, he's foot down, trying to get the reason(s) he would deny me the opportunity to love him and be loved by him. He replies again, "I just can't. I just can't."

Months of conversing about each other and what we want in a mate, as if we were slowing ticking a to-do list until we were certain of choice we had made long ago. My choice, his choice - we chose each other. "Has he not completed his list?" I ponder as I try to loosen my tight grip on what I thought was. What I thought we both had. Nothing sucks more than being so close and then being advised of how delusional you had been a long. I know that wasn't true, but it started to feel like it. I burned like the amber of a never-ending flame for him. I loved him. I hadn't known, been sure, until that moment as he pushed me over the cliff, to my demise. Heartache followed and I LET GO, but I never truly did. I just couldn't be a part of his life feeling the way I did, the way I still feel. How did I end up allowing myself to feel such, when I always approach with such caution? I wasn't myself and that's all I could think as my mind attempted to blocked out all that had transpired, all that was said and all that was imagined for the tomorrow of two.

We often find potential mates as we navigate through life, blinded by lust, the idea of this person and the future we may have.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Mona Adam

It is quite weird to realize how growing up, I was always happy in love, never single, always moving on to the next. With that being said, I recall a time when I found myself committed to five beautiful souls. It was the December of 2006, the year I began to embrace who I was, the part of me I had been so desperately trying to fight off. Stuck in an ever-shrinking cloak room, as I inevitably grew older. Unbelievably, it might have been a ton work, however it worked for me, and it somehow helped with my lacking “self-esteem.”  The location of choice for our parties always varied and my lesbian friend always made sure I was aware of any beautiful man that glanced my way. She ensured that I was to be successful in love, even if it was for that one night. However, she did not anticipate the rate in which I would enjoy and seek out my own conquests, as I gained an invaluable sense of importance and esteem I had never felt/had. Fast forward 10 years now, I ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Crazy, Stupid : LOVE

Last month, after months (actually almost a year) of persuasion, someone who had always wanted to call myself his, finally twisted my arm and I said “Yes”. The thing is, after my last relationship last year; I told myself that I would take a back seat from the dating world. Every relationship I partook in, ended up being either a total disaster, me being hurt or just losing interest. People have a tendency of portraying a “perfect” and poised persona when they meet a potential mate. “Why?” you may ask, I am not sure, but I would assume that it plays in their favour, as we always create these lists for ourselves of the perfect mate: ·          Perfect smile, ·          Perfect and fair complexion (apparently the most desired), ·          An amazing dresser, ·          And a man with money and a provider. Ques...
20 comments
Read more