Mona Adam

It is quite weird to realize how growing up, I was always happy in love, never single, always moving on to the next. With that being said, I recall a time when I found myself committed to five beautiful souls.

It was the December of 2006, the year I began to embrace who I was, the part of me I had been so desperately trying to fight off.

Stuck in an ever-shrinking cloak room, as I inevitably grew older.

Unbelievably, it might have been a ton work, however it worked for me, and it somehow helped with my lacking “self-esteem.”  The location of choice for our parties always varied and my lesbian friend always made sure I was aware of any beautiful man that glanced my way. She ensured that I was to be successful in love, even if it was for that one night. However, she did not anticipate the rate in which I would enjoy and seek out my own conquests, as I gained an invaluable sense of importance and esteem I had never felt/had.

Fast forward 10 years now, I am twenty-seven and feel like a tortoise that has found itself on its back, struggling to make sense of the world around me, love.

It is harder now to find love as now I no longer define it by my eyes nor your lustful gaze. No longer that guy always fending for his cock, but always thinking of the future with intentions of laying a foundation for a life that will be mine and hopefully the one I will be walking side by side with.

Gone are the days of finding someone to bring joy to my life for a couple or several weeks. I am in it for the long haul, traversing the tapestries of love as an adult. I find it odd how people choose to define their own relationships and at times recant their previous loves as “just flings,” “time wasted”,  and as drafts of an essay find themselves on the floor and around the trash can.

I never want to refer to another person as such, nor do I want my time spent with someone easily forgotten or referred to as such – a waste. For every encounter, every text and call, a slide into the DM's and whimsy gaze are part of my journey.

We often encounter beautiful people in our lives that make their willingness apparent and repelling these advances does not mean them unworthy. just not ready for what you have in store, not ready for the plan. For attracting needs reciprocation and often, we are so self-absorbed in our own lives that these people slip by.

I wish YOU were around. We could lay on the sofa watching TV and then forget it as we start talking a whole lot of shit and laughing. End up on the floor listening to good music and sharing a part of each other. Things we have never shared with anyone else.

Like what, why is it so hard to find such these days or am I just too meticulous?

We all aspire for our lives, whether it be for our careers or personal lives and often both eyes are set on one of these as the other can pass us by. And at times, we are quick to announce to the world "I am ready", scrap-booking our perfect other not considering, what the other may want.

Never stray and stay true. Even if you end up yearning for what you do not have, it will be yours in time.